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Team AU: 23. A snitch in time saves nine hours of Quidditch.

Title: Enchantment; Loss
Team: AU
Author: dracofiend
Prompt: 23. A snitch in time saves nine hours of Quidditch.
Wordcount: 11,589
Rating: R
Warnings:Implied chan.
Summary: Harry wishes for one thing only.
Author's Note: Mad props to my teammates, especially Captains Joanwilder and Samantha!

Enchantment; Loss


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This poll is closed.

1. Is the author/artist true to their team? Yes/No vote ("yes" is worth 2 points, "no" is worth 0)

2. How well did the author/artist use their Prompt? 1 to 9 (1 being the least)

3. How much did you like this story/art overall? 1 to 9 (1 being the least)

Comments

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Wow, this is bloody amazing... I will not say more about the story fear I might set off a spoiler... This is wonderful, I loved how you make hints and have snap shouts of the story line, the implied, underlining relationship... It is all just so amazingly brillient!! This is one that really hit me in this game, I am still in a haze :). Great work!
Thank you so much for the lovely feedback! I'm especially happy the impliedness of Harry and Lucius' relationship worked for you--it was kind of a delicate balance because I didn't want to scare anyone off :) but it was really important to me, to show Harry's vulnerability and his susceptibility to being drawn in by beautiful, almost untouchable, things.
This was very interesting. You've retold the story well. I found it all a bit confusing, as I tried to figure out all the relationships between characters (I still don't think I understand all of them). I really enjoyed Harry and Draco's banter- and it broke my heart with sweetness when Harry gave Ron his best present. He is just too kind. I wish Ron could have appreciated the sacrifice more. This was heart-breaking, but touching. I felt so badly for Draco when he came to tell Harry about his parents. He was such a lovable, but still acidic and snarky, character here.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting! I'm glad you enjoyed Harry and Draco here--I had some doubts as to whether their relationship would be prominent enough, and slashy enough, for readers. I think, if it would've worked to write from multiple POVs, it would've been clearer that Draco was harboring a deep-seated admiration and crush on Harry, that Lucius had been taking advantage of Harry for the purpose of certain calculations re: the Dark Lord (which calculations Lucius may or may not have revised in the end), and that Harry was more than a little blinded by his attachment to Lucius, who was elegant and certain and powerful and protective.
Whoa, this was interesting. A bit confusing, but definitely good. I loved the Harry/Lucius since it's one of my favourite pairings :3 And for me, personally, it could've been even more explicit *g*

Voldemort's sudden appearance was completely unexpected, but I already thought it was him at the mention of the 'stranger'. But before that, I didn't expect Voldemort to be involved at all. I loved Harry and Draco's friendship and... yes :) Great job!
*laughs* Oh yes, I have to admit, when I initially thought of this story, it was slated to be explicit chan, with a high rating--due to Harry/Lucius, not Harry/Draco. In the end though, it seemed to work better if the Harry/Lucius aspect was more on the impressionistic side--though I have some vague thoughts about writing an additional scene for posting to my own journal after this fest is finished. :D We'll see though, as I am very lazy.

I'm glad Voldemort kind of sprang up on you--that was how it was for Harry too, who, as far as he could remember, had never been seriously threatened by Voldemort until bam, he's sitting next to the guy at dinner. I'm curious as to what you found unclear or confusing--and let me say up front that I often find myself writing a bit more opaquely than I'd like! :) If I were to guess, I might say it was the pacing--the jump ahead in years might not be especially, instantly clear--but I'm interested in your thoughts.

Thanks so much for reading and the kind words!
This is really intriguing, with Harry and Draco starting off as friends.

At least from what I can tell, Harry is kind of amazed by Lucius and what kind of person he is, Lucius was using Harry a bait, and Draco was basically jealous for Harry's attention, but you know, ended up getting it at the end.

I like this AU. With Harry and Draco and what they would have been like had they been friends in the beginning. Nice use of the prompt by the way!

Go Team AU! =D
*high fives* Yay Team! Thanks so much for reading!

I'm thrilled that Lucius came across that way--through Harry's eyes, he was this new type of person, a new type of man that Harry had never met before. Not petty and disciplinarian, like his aunt and uncle, not kindly but rough-edged, like Hagrid, and not ordinary people with ordinary jobs like the random Muggles he knew (or their wizarding analogues--teachers, etc.). The feeling I think Harry had for Lucius, at first, was maybe something close to reverence--and you know, Lucius is kind to him, in his elegant, warm-but-distant manner. I have to say I'm not decided as to whether Lucius was ultimately using Harry as bait to save himself difficulties in the future (or to catapault him into a more favorable position), although I'm inclined to believe that was his original intention in paying special attention to Harry. After all, a snitch in time, right? :D I'm also glad you read Draco's reactions as jealousy--it was ill-defined, I think because Draco wouldn't have been able to pin it down himself. Harry's one of his best friends, and he senses a closeness between his best friend and his father, and that just...doesn't translate well into an actual accusation of anything.
I reread it just now, and I have to say that there are so many subtle things I missed the first time around. I do like how understated the Harry/Lucius is, but you still manage to underscore how essential the relationship is to Harry. And poor Harry, keeping such a secret for so long, but I think Draco knew. I did wonder if that last time Harry sees Lucius before the banquet if Lucius did what he did to spare them...both, maybe, knowing what was to come?

That moment when Draco's first released at GP and sticks his head into Harry's room, I think is the most heartbreaking moment of the story. And at the end when Draco asks if Harry's forgotten, and Harry tells him, how could I-you always remind me? Lovely double-entendre, but I was encouraged that the ache was finally gone, and now Harry sees Draco.

As always, you handle your subject and characters so deftly that the progression is very natural and seamless. Beautiful word craft and writing that yield such a stunning overall effect. Just lovely!
Hi! Thanks so much for rereading and for the very kind thoughts! Yes, to be honest, Harry's relationship with Lucius in this story is the most important one to me personally, as that's what motivated me to write it--but Draco, in the end, is the one who salvages Harry from it (to the extent that's the right word)...I guess I mean, Draco wields a certain transfigurative ability with respect to Harry's perceptions of himself, his relationship with Lucius, etc., because Draco knows Harry similar to the way in which Lucius knew Harry (though of course, without the benefit of so much adulthood), and Draco has almost as much of Harry's trust as Lucius did (and one day, Draco will exceed Lucius in that regard). Of course, Draco's relationship with Harry is vastly different in that Draco depends on Harry in a way or to a degree that Lucius didn't, so there's that too.

I think there's plenty of room to believe that Lucius swerved from whatever bad intent he had at the start, and arranged for Harry (and also his son) to be delivered to GP--perhaps he was getting anxious that Harry didn't seem interested in his soup, and wasn't reaching for the portkey-spoon, and if the next course came out, Harry's chance would be past. Alternatively, he could've just been concerned that Harry was not presenting himself well at the dining table. :D

Enchantment; Loss

This was such a breathtaking story. I very much liked the narrative voice, so clear and distinguished. The sense of threat never left the story, I felt at unease the whole time while I was reading it.

I had the impression that this story was much more about Lucius/Harry than about Harry/Draco, and for me, this added to the feeling of threat, because I simply don't get the appeal of chan. This is not a criticism about your story, just personal taste. I never had the impression that there was more between Harry and Draco than friendship.

Re: Enchantment; Loss

Hi! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment! I was really pleased to read your comment because I absolutely agree that this kind of situation ought to provoke a sense of unease--clearly, Lucius is a bad actor here, and Harry should know better (certainly when he's 18 or 19, he definitely would know better then) though I'd be hard pressed to blame him for anything. I also admit that for me, the story is more about Harry and Lucius, simply because that's where the idea sprang from in my mind--although Harry's relationship with Draco is instrumental (the way I see it) in that it helps Harry become fully realized as an adult, as himself. Draco is real to Harry in a way that Lucius never quite was--partly because Harry is actually closer to Draco (in terms of mundane interactions) and more familiar with him. It's true that Harry and Draco are friends for the majority of the story (though I might say that Draco has a substantial unrequited crush on Harry during much of their childhood! :D) but by the end, I see them holding hands, walking away from the Manor, going to lunch or dinner or whatever, and going back to wherever they live together. ♥

Thanks again for reading, despite the chan warning--I'm really happy you took a chance on this!
I love the many layers here and the masterful way you peel them back for us, one by one until we see what's truly happening. So many complexities! I mean, we have the Harry/Draco dynamic, the magnetic pull of Harry/Lucius and a third connection with Harry's friends who really don't understand what Harry sees in the other two.

I don't know why it hit me so hard, but the scene where Harry gives his broom to Ron is just...guh! I think I even shed a tear because Harry was trying so hard to please, and at the same time, Ron being totally oblivious to the sacrifice made me a little cross with him! You played with my emotions! Are you happy now? hee hee. *love*

Speaking of emotions, what an amazing job you did with pulling us along. Teasing us with Lucius at the door of Harry's room, making us laugh with Draco's confused jealousy over their new Ministry jobs, shocking us at the Malfoy's dinner party, and finally allowing us to breathe again once Draco takes Harry's hand at the end.

Lovely work. So proud of you, teammate! *hugs and highfives*
*HUGS*

Thanks so much for all the supernice comments! I'm happy the Harry/Lucius seemed magnetic to you, because that's seriously how it felt to me--I was compelled to write it! :D As for Harry giving away his broom--somehow I could just imagine Harry doing something like that, like he's down to this one thing that anyone could possibly want, and he feels so torn because he loves with at the Manor, with Draco (with Lucius!) but he wonders, a little, if he should like it quite so much, when he's sort of turning his back on Ron. And he and Ron are quite close too (though I didn't really stress that much in the story), given that they live in the same dorm for 7 years.

That's funny you mentioned teasing the readers with Lucius at the door--I like that idea of Lucius kind of being faint but present throughout, because there's not actually all that much dialogue or interaction shown between Harry and Lucius. I did mention in another comment that I have this whole scene in my head that would take this fic up a big step in terms of rating, and blow the impliedness of the chan out of the water, but I'm not sure yet if I'll be in the right frame of mind to write it when this show is done! :D
What a chilling and horrific (but in a really good way!) story. Lucius was creepy, and yet, it seems he helped Harry (and Draco) get away in the end. I wonder if Harry and Draco will ever truly realize what was really going on - Harry, under Lucius' influence, seems to have developed Draco's skittishness and inability to see things for what they really are, but instead to trust in the code he's been brought up in. His change in character as a result of those influences was fascinating.

Great story!
Hi there! Thank you so much for reading and letting me know what you thought! I have to admit I'm pleased you found this chilling and horrific--because (and this is coming from someone who likes reading it) that's the essence of chan. Particularly when there's a character like Lucius who seems to be availing himself of a child's misguided ideas and instincts rather than being a responsible adult (and a parent, come to that) and gently correcting the problem. I'm not totally sure myself whether Lucius helped Harry and Draco get away...it may have been Snape, or maybe Dobby. I'd like to think it was Lucius, acting on a gradual change of heart, and that's probably how I'd write it, if I were to write from Lucius' POV or something. And yes--I'm happy Harry's altered worldview worked for you--it just makes sense to me that he would be different as to certain topical (and maybe a few non-topical) aspects, after spending so much time with the Malfoy family and interacting with their expectations.

Thanks so much again for reading!
That was amazing! I'm hoping Lucius was the one to save them. Though it cost both older Malfoys their lives.
:D Thanks so much for reading! Yes, I like to think Lucius was the savior here...though it does steal Severus' thunder a bit...

:D I'm glad you liked it!
wow, that was amazing!
thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment! I really appreciate it! :)
wow. you had me at the softness of lucius's gloves. that did some very serious things to me. :)

this was such an unusual take on lucius for me that i kept expecting the big ta-da! evil reveal, and i still wasn't decided right up until the final scene whether the portkey spoon was his or snape's. the beauty of an au - and this one is really beautiful - is that you can take a canon relationship and, by refitting a couple of pieces, turn it into something bankable, but what made this one for me was that it was so subtly played that i almost didn't dare to believe in the altered relationship. i don't read a lot of lucius fic myself (although for the life of me i can't think why), so maybe i was slower than most, but for my money it was because you played with the established characters so carefully and cleverly.

as a moderate to heavy drarry shipper, though, draco's infatuation sang out to me like an overfed soprano. <3

i loved it.
draco's infatuation sang out to me like an overfed soprano

Tarte! You had me in LOLZ! :D

Oh, I'm so glad you saw Draco for what he was--just a kid with a crush the size of Manhattan on another kid who's his friend and a little bit oblivious. Although, to be fair, Harry had reason enough to be oblivious, and in the end, Draco had what he'd always sort of wanted (but wasn't totally comfortable with admitting to himself, maybe). I'm super happy you liked Lucius though (and his ever-so-soft gloves--the best money can buy)--I have been on an ongoing quest to find a Lucius who is not tough love/evil/twisted/sadistic, and not sweet/tender/tragically misunderstood--but just, you know, a man. One with concrete ambitions, a wife, a son, vast family wealth to maintain and grow, with worries on his mind and not-altogether-savory desires to be concealed--one, also, who has been gifted with a generous helping of personal charm and attractiveness. Is that asking so much? :D One thing I like about Lucius (and I guess, Snape) is that he pairs well with Harry and Snape, which is a total bonus.

So did you feel, in the end, that Lucius had done Harry a good turn by saving him from the clutches of Voldemort? I'm not sure I've decided myself whether it was Lucius, or Snape, or--perhaps even!--Dobby.

Thanks for reading this, Tarte, and for the fantastic, fantastic feedback. ♥
Thanks so much for reading and letting me know what you thought! Score one for Narcissa! :D She's been kind of overlooked--largely by me, as I hadn't given her a ton of thought (or air time). I'm glad you enjoyed seeing Harry with Draco, especially given that they weren't especially romantic with each other--though I would say I see them as being very close to each other. And yes, romantic, in the end. :) I'm happy you enjoyed this!
This was wonderful on so many levels! You've created such a wide range of emotions and I could feel every little change in Harry's mood. His never ending trust in the wrong person, his adoration a father figure and/or even a bit more than that...
Halfway into the story I was like: does this mean what I think it means? But after reading it to the end, I understand why you decided not to show us the extent of the Lucius/Harry relation. All the little clues as to what was happening behind the scenes just intensified the air of mystery.
And I loved how Draco was still snotty little Draco despite his friendship with Harry. How he was almost jealous of Harry and feared his role as an heir to his father.
But it was Harry's and Lucius' relation I enjoyed the most. So many shades and so imbalanced. His subtle approach from the very first meeting or how he always new perfectly well what Harry needed most (a family, love, caring etc).
And I really liked that Harry wasn't sorted into Slytherin and he could still retain his friendship with Draco through the years.

What more to say? Loved it:)
Aw, I am so, so pleased to read your comment--you seem to understand Lucius and Draco here so well! :D I'm also glad that the Harry/Lucius didn't put you off--I gave it a light touch (perhaps even too light!) because I didn't want to unsettle the balance of the story, or the readers. In my mind, Lucius and Harry were engaging in a relationship that should not have begun and should have been ended in any case by Lucius, were he a better man. I do actually have a scene in my head that makes this abundantly clear, but if I write it, I'm saving it for my own journal, for later. ;) I did feel, though, that inserting it here would detract from the surface of Lucius himself, and from his and Harry's relationship--because it was a quiet thing, with no sharp lines, you know? Harry doesn't view Lucius as a lover, in the full sense of the word--he loves Lucius, but as a...protector, I think, is the best word I have. I would say Lucius loves Harry as well, in an analogous (maybe diametric) fashion--as a child, a ward, a key to success in certain future endeavors...?

:D I never thought to put Harry in Slytherin--I'm glad you felt that added to the story! And also that Draco retained his veneer of dislikeability without being actually truly dislikeable. Thanks again!
i thought the lucius/harry was just a crush from harry's side, but maybe i'm just dense.

anyway, good story. at first i thought the portkey was going to send him to a prison to get killed by voldemort, so i was a bit confused as to why the ended up in the manor. i'm assuming lucius was trying to save harry and draco?
*laughs* Oh, you're not dense! It was very much implied chan--I didn't want to disturb too many people for whom cross-gen chan might be a bit, well, not really in their line of typical slashfic reading. In my mind, Lucius and Harry were most definitely in a fully-formed relationship, and I'm becoming more and more inclined to write out a scene I have in my head that demonstrates the true extent of their relationship. But! It would've been too much at this juncture. :) The spoon portkey took Harry to Grimmauld Place, away from the Manor, and that's where Draco ended up too, moments after Harry got there. As for getting killed by Voldemort--I think Voldemort might've been saving it as an after-dinner event, you know, to be accompanied by cigars and port in the sitting room...

I'd like to think that Lucius was the one who saved Harry via the portkey and also sent Draco after him--although there's more than enough room to argue that Snape (or Dobby!) did the saving in that instance.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting! Go team! :)
It was lovely to see Harry and Draco's friendship mature into the trusting relationship we see at the very end. And I can't tell you how refreshing it was to see Lucius in a completely different light. I'm really glad you chose to make him a hero rather than a villain, as I haven't had much of a feel for Lucius since the last book. I'm very relieved, however, that Harry's time with Lucius was not meant to endure. His sacrifice was a heartbreaking way to bridge any gaps with Draco. My heart melted a little at the end when they took each other's hands. Thanks for a great read, sweetie ♥

Edited at 2009-04-14 11:24 pm (UTC)
Hi P! Thanks so much for reading and the very kind words! I'm really happy you liked Lucius--his relationship with Harry, and Harry's perception of him, was what drove the writing for me. I haven't had a ton of luck with finding a Lucius who isn't evil, per se--in a chan context--but I'm constantly on the lookout! It's interesting to me that you read the story so clearly as one of Lucius' sacrifice--it's a question that's gotten different reactions. Personally I'm inclined to agree with you--Lucius saved him, and Draco--but I could also see Severus' hand in it (yay Snarry). :)

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts! ♥
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