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Breaking all the Rules - Team Epilogue

Title: Breaking all the Rules
Team: Epilogue
Author: frayach
Prompt: The Hierophant
Wordcount: 22,800
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Crack!fic, swinging, boys in pink knickers and kitty-ears, rimming, and a couple exceedingly brief het sex scenes
Summary: Malfoy is slowly wringing the last vestiges of pleasure from Harry’s life with all his rules and committees and agendas and reports. Or is he?

Breaking all the RulesCollapse )


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"Because, Potter," Malfoy said in a tone of infinite patience. "We have yet to form a committee to ascertain the viability of forming a committee to research . . ."

It's like Yes Minister if Sir Humphrey was wizard, in a word, awesome.

Breaking All The Rules

:D Too true! I'm so glad you enjoyed this :)

Breaking All The Rules

Thank you :D Glad you liked it.


This is undoubtedly the best crack!fic I have ever read. It's hilarious while still being full of sexual tension and hot.

The idea of them being swingers except of course Ron is hilarious and I think quite original. I should know since I have read hundreds of H/D.

Very nice and very well done...I'll have to come back and find out who you are to see what else you have created.
Sorry...I thought I was already logged in when I made the comments.

Breaking All The Rules

LOL! Yay! Glad you liked it :D
What can one say about a true masterpiece? I have not idea but I will try. Draco being a lawyers in one of my favorite professions for him. I believe it suits him well. One of my favorite parts was when Harry was telling about when he and Draco both found out that they were neighbors. I could picture the scene so clearly; both of then coming out to get the paper, and then staring dumbfounded at each other for a good while. It is a truly hilarious image. And the letter slot or mail box debate had me in stitches. And a lot of other things had me laughing too. The ending was perfect, given what the rest of the tale presented. And yes, Harry, you have always been obsessed with Draco Malfoy. And you all love that about you. One last thing: this has been by far, one of the hottest stories I have read in a while. And the fact that Ginny comes in right when we are all on the balls of our feet and Harry and Draco are both gagging for it (to use a turn of phrase you used) was the optimum of cruelty and hilariousness. But that did make the end all the better.

Breaking All The Rules

Hey there! So glad you enjoyed this :) Particularly that little mini-flashback to their discovery that they were neighbors. Which would make a brilliantly hilarious scene in "Breaking All The Rules - The Movie." LOL. Harry in his boxer shorts and t-shirt and Draco in his pinstriped flannel :D God, I would bet that this Draco even wears a nightcap :D :D

And yes, I had fun with the coitus-interruption. I could practically see my readers pounding their keyboards in frustration as I wrote it :D I know; I'm evil that way ;P
this was heaps of fun. i was entertained from the start, but it was this bit that first had me laughing loud enough to fright the cat:

"Asteria, what a lovely bondage bra," she said, admiring the metal rings that glinted in the candlelight and, knowing the Malfoys, were probably made from hand-wrought silver. "Is that latex or leather? I can't tell in this light." Asteria smiled, releasing her arm from Malfoy's and slipping it through Ginny's instead. They wandered off towards the preparation chamber, chatting amiably about rubber corsets and letter slots and how difficult it was to get their sons to clean their rooms. Harry turned back to Malfoy.

bloody brilliant, mate!

Breaking All The Rules

:D Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I had an absolute blast writing it :)
Holy hell, crack doesn't begin to describe it :).

I practically broke down at

"Honestly, Ron. Only Freudians and the authors of obscenely popular children's book series would suggest something so patently ridiculous."

And the sheer awesomeness of Malfoy trying to inflict death by bureaucracy on his surroundings was wonderful to watch.

Madly insane as the 'Southwark Swinger Club' is, the writing is wonderful! Funny as heck, insanely creative. The "timid-hearted turtle" is hands down the best metaphor I've ever seen for *that*, and the sheer madness of bringing in Dolores Umbridge and pink cat ears slayed me :).

And despite all the crack, dear heck did it ever get *hot* at the end! And with a touch of forbidden romance. I loved it to bits, and it made me laugh like silly on top of it.

Now I'm racking my brain about which H/D writer of the really brilliant sort could be responsible for this outrage :). 'cause I'd really want to hug them :).
And I wanted to add, such great use of prompt for Malfoy!!!
I'm bad. I forgot to leave a comment on this when I originally read this through, probably a week ago. Like I said, I'm bad :P

I love crack/humour, so I was a moth to the proverbial flame for this. I even loved the pink knickers, and crossdressing (in any context) is a tough sell for me. Lots of love and snaps for such a brilliant execution, but I'm certain that you're a master a any craft.

I hope that if this is your first venture into crack, you consider it again. I've recced this in my journal with much delight and girlish squeeage. Thank you!!!
I was surprised to find myself liking Ginny here. She's neither overbearing nor sluttish, which she easily could have been, given the premise of the story.

I also like the use of humour. It was just enough that it didn't eclipse the rest of the plot, and -- more importantly -- it stayed humourous. At no point did it strain the voice of the story or become awkward.

All in all, very well done.

Breaking All The Rules

Thank you very much. I'm very glad you liked it. And I'm especially glad to know that I managed to pull off the humor because I've really never written something meant to be this funny that is also this long before. It definitely could have started feeling old and worn at a point. I'm glad to know it didn't. Thank you so much for reading and commenting :)
Genius, pure genius.

I can't tell you how much I loved this fic. I thought I would die laughing: the dreadful meetings, Malfoy's insanely boring speeches, the seemingly casual English domestic life, and OMG the swingers club. I was so happy to see so many characters making an appearance, and always spot-on (Luna in the watersports' room *dies*). And all IC! In a crack fic! Hermione in the Vauxhall Vivaro, and Ginny, always so understanding! I love you.

And the porn? I must have felt just like Harry when Ginny and Hermione interrupted. And I don't usually like cross-dressing, but yes, I want to see fanart of those cheap pink knickers, and well, I haven't read such a hot rimming session for ages. And you know what is best? Behind all the crack and witty dialogues and crazy references there is good old H/D here. And well, if I have to accept the existence of the epilogue, I choose your version...and go reread it again and again.

Breaking All The Rules

:D I'm so glad you enjoyed this, my dear. Thanks so much for commenting. Oh, and for reccing, too. That meant the world to me :)

I'm glad you liked the Vivaro. That was one of my favorite little details. It just says so much, doesn't it?

Behind all the crack and witty dialogues and crazy references there is good old H/D here.

Exactly! So glad you could see that. That moment when Draco drops to his knees and pulls off his mask is so wildly romantic :D A glimpse of the serious through all the silliness and smut :)
What an absolutely brilliant idea and hysterically funny fic!

Thanks for the laughs Team Epilogue!!

Breaking All The Rules

You're very welcome :D So glad you enjoyed it!
Fun story. The whole swingers club and the fact that Harry and all his friends are there is too damned funny. Draco and his parliamentary procedure was the though, because I can totally see it!

Sex being so common in this story, touched on constantly and nonchalantly by the club, I was really, really pleased about the scene in the room upstairs. It was hot and the denial was so painful... but I liked that they were breaking all the rules.

Great job.

Breaking All The Rules

Thank you, sweetie :) I'm so glad you enjoyed this. I had an absolute blast writing it (as I'm sure you can imagine *G*). Thanks for reading and commenting :)
OMG, I LOVE YOU MYSTERY AUTHOR!!!!!!!! i'm sorry, but this fic demanded capslock. i laughed my ass off the entire way through, except when i was panting and breathless at the utter hotness! the humor in this is so sharp and witty and smart, and while it was certainly crack, i don't think it ever became the absurd-for-absurdity's-sake kind of crack.

draco was completely priceless and the whole lawyer thing fit perfectly (brava to you for coming up with all that legal jargon!). i also loved harry's characterization, there was a certain gruffness about him that i found ridiculously appealing and that worked particularly well in contrast to draco's uptightness (i nearly cried each time he called the apprentice tiddlywink--lol!). all the various clubs killed me, particularly the ones relating to their building. and ron was a great minor character here. for some reason i loved how he called harry boss.

the whole idea of the swingers club was brilliant, and it created a space in the story for harry's larger issues pertaining to his attraction to men to come into the picture. ginny is also very funny and likable in this (although i still hope harry leaves her *g*).

the sex was just hot hot hot hot. GUH! there were also some really great emotional moments of connection between harry and draco. and even though harry insists he's staying with ginny, you hinted at the seriousness of his feelings towards draco and the possible threat they pose to his life/marriage, so i'm just gonna ahead and pretend they eventually end up together, because i'm a stubborn brat like that i'm a sucker for happy endings. *g*

again, i can't say enough how clever and hilarious and hot this was. i will read this over and over and laugh for a long time to come.

Edited at 2008-04-29 05:11 am (UTC)
Light-hearted crack fic with lots of gratuitous sex! Yay!
This was wonderfully funny and hot and gripping. I was on the edge of my seat wanting to know if Harry would eventually get Draco.
I loved the crazy world you created, that just got crazier and crazier, till I was fairly gapping with disbelief. Umbridge in a cat-suit was nearly too much for me, my brain short-circuited trying to imagine the picture…
Of course the piece-de-resistance was Harry/Draco and the pink panties. That scene was mind meltingly hot. So much so that there are no words to describe it. Definitely no words. I must confess that I seem to have almost as much of a kink as Harry for Draco in women’s underwear.
This was wonderful, thank you very much, I’m definitely going to be book marking it and re-reading it.

Breaking All The Rules

Hey there, sweetie :) So glad you enjoyed this smutty little romp. Btw, did you guess it was me?? I was so hoping to fool at least some of my long-time readers. Oh, and I definitely share your kink as to Draco in women's underwear. Especially this somewhat uptightly masculine Draco :D Only Harry could have convinced him to give up his pinstripes for pink polyester ;P
"How much more interesting things would be if he spoke the words "point of order" or "unanimous consent" or, even better, "lay on the table subject to call," with that commandingly silky voice instead of the dry tone he was currently using . . ."

*speechless yet smiling*

Breaking All The Rules

:D So glad you enjoyed it :D
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January 2010

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