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Breaking all the Rules - Team Epilogue

Title: Breaking all the Rules
Team: Epilogue
Author: frayach
Prompt: The Hierophant
Wordcount: 22,800
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Crack!fic, swinging, boys in pink knickers and kitty-ears, rimming, and a couple exceedingly brief het sex scenes
Summary: Malfoy is slowly wringing the last vestiges of pleasure from Harry’s life with all his rules and committees and agendas and reports. Or is he?

Breaking all the RulesCollapse )


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Oh my Zeus! I survived a crack fic!!! :O That is unusual. Sorry, just not used to of reading crack fics (I usually avoid it with a vengeance) but this one turned out to be quite all right! :P Properly funny and all that, though I did struggle through the first half (probably because I was tired and sleepy and Anubis knows what else at that moment). But, then I tried it again after getting some proper sleep, and hey! I got the crack! Thank Shiva! The smut was awesome (the mentions of het squicked but it was so funny so who cares?) and entertaining. Pink knickers FTW!!!

Seriously. This whole thing below here is made of awesome:

"I wasn't until Malfoy became an officer of every governing body that touches my life in even the remotest sense," Harry replied, standing and throwing his own cloak over his shoulders. "Since then, I've taken up praying to every deity there is. I'm convinced this is punishment for some venial sin I committed unwittingly along the way, and I just want to be sure I'm no longer pissing off the gods."

Merlin, you're good.

Breaking All The Rules

Congrats on surviving your first crack!fic - although I've been told that this doesn't really constitute true, dictionary-definition crack, which is even more outlandish that this.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment - especially since this required you to step outside your comfort zone a bit :)
OMG, hermione and ginny have the worst timing in the world!!! i swear i was just as frustrated as harry when they suddenly stood in the door. alskjldjfsd. thank goodness harry's flimsy report allowed him and draco to pick up where they had left off. the smut = so very hot.

you know, this is probably the first story in which harry doesn't leave ginny and i'm not a little ball of rage as a result. in fact, i am more than happy with this ending because of the picture you painted of harry and ginny's relationship. i can totally imagine harry staying married to ginny and being with draco at the same time.

the rest of the story also killed me DED. the idea of the swinger club alone, with kitten ears and umbridge in a cat suit to hermione in...what was it, the chair of love (?)... was nearly enough to make this a first-rate cracktastic fic, but then you topped it off with draco's never-ending meetings and love of procedure, and harry's rage over them, which was so palpable. i will definitely be reccing this story!

Breaking All The Rules

OMG!! Stop the presses! I wrote something you not only read, but liked! :D :D :D Yay! Did you have any idea this was me (i.e. did NQ spill the beans)? Thank you so much for the rec. I was so happy when I saw your review. *beams*
Fabulously funny & surprisingly hot to boot. The thought of Umbridge's hem hems interrupting people's coitus may never leave my poor scarred brain...

Breaking All The Rules

LOL! I doubt you're the only one who was scarred. I'm sure Harry had to add that moment to his list of PTSD events ;) Thank you for reading and commenting. I'm so glad you enjoyed it :)
Good god this was brilliant, hilarious, and hot! This is the first fic where I have a guess as to the author's identity, too *excited*

I loved so many things about this fic, I don't even want to start listing them as I'll be unable to stop. Fabulous!!

Breaking All The Rules

Hello there, my dear :) I'm so pleased that you enjoyed this little tale so much. Hard to believe I actually wrote it when I was in a rather bad place :-/ But it definitely cheered me up - more than anything else could have. Thank you so much for commenting. *hugs*
that was fantastic. sweet, hot, funny, it hit all the buttons. wonderful. :D

Breaking All The Rules

Thank you!! I'm so glad you enjoyed it :D
My unrestrained admiration for this might have been slightly influenced by reading it shortly after enduring the Annual General Meeting from Hell - but I think not. Brilliant. Too many great lines to pick out one. Perfect characterisation (not just the major characters but especially Umbridge and Luna). Clever use of the prompt (which wouldn't normally lend itself to crackfic).

Writing humour is one of the most difficult things - writing humour and hot sex takes talent.


Breaking All The Rules

My unrestrained admiration for this might have been slightly influenced by reading it shortly after enduring the Annual General Meeting from Hell . . .

LOL!!!! Well, no doubt the experience put you in just the right head-space to enjoy it to its fullest :) You were clearly in need of a Bezoar for your near death-by-meeting :D God, do I know that feeling all to well! The only way to survive The Meeting From Hell is to parody it in your head while it's happening.

:D I'm so glad you enjoyed this. As you probably can tell, I had an absolute blast writing it :)
just, wow! simply fantastic!

Breaking All The Rules

Thank you, my dear :)
Both Harry/Draco sex scenes were some of the hottest I've ever read. God. fantastic, even though (maybe because of?) the interuption.

The entire concept of this was hilarious. I'm picturing draco wearing those knickers to the never-ending-meetings from now on. gah!

Personally, i love crack fics but there are certain things that turn me off. I think the swingers club was brilliant and honestly squeed when harry implied it early on. But I would have enjoy it a lot more if the 'gang from school' weren't all in the club together. I know it's crack, but that one thing crossed a line for me. funny how that works.

Anyway - great great ending!! Thank you so much for this fic.

Breaking All The Rules

Hello there, hon :D Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

Yeah, I can understand your feelings re: the gang from school aspect. That can really rub me the wrong way sometimes, too. But as I'm sure you sensed, my brain found it hilarious for some reason in this particular context. But I'm so glad you enjoyed it nonetheless :)
Rofl, Southwark=♥♥♥
This was definitely something new and original! Draco in pink knickers might be the new H/D fandom kink:D

Breaking All The Rules

Draco in pink knickers might be the new H/D fandom kink:D

Needless to say, I'd be just fine with that :D Thanks so much for reading and commenting :)

Oh, Crack. Nom Nom Nom.

Kay, so I love you.
No, really, whoever you are in this great wide world of fandom, I love you.
I read the majority of this on my subway ride home, which basically meant tons of stifled chortles and sometimes stifled screams (see: Umbridge. Rather, don't see Umbridge. shudder). And I had to stop right when Draco was coming into those pink panties! and I almosy missed my stop. But now I am done, and it is time for Epic Comment Post of Awesome!!!!!!!!

I love how Tiddlywink (snort) "Startles at loud, but entirely forseeable, noises." And I love Draco's "squillin-Galleon watch." And Harry trying to take a sip of a soggy copy of Quidditch Monthly. And the Canturbury Society for the Preservation of Antique Brass Letter Slots (and every other bloody Society in this!). And Harry getting caught with a woody in the middle of a meeting. And, oh, goodness, "her suggestion that we vote on whether we should vote at this meeting or the next on the proposal" made me headdesk so hard, despite the fact that I was sitting on the train and there was no desk in sight. Also, I fully intend to use the phrase "Death by Meeting" in my everyday life.
I started internally going "Oh My God" repeatedly as we were introduced to the Swinger's club. Until then we had nice bits of snark and crack, but here's where it just took off flying. Malfoy dictating the neccessity for rules and order regarding masturbatory voyeurs and people fucking their own wives... Oy. And, since I was reading this on printout and taking notes, there is a big AAAAAAAAAHHHHH on the page where you bring up, of all things.... Umbridge. And a nice Aie! later when I realize that even Hermione's involved in this mess! (But not Ron, which is a great touch...though, honestly, he ALLOWS this?! eeep!) I was actually dying by the time we got to catsuit!Umbridge (shudder) going "Hem hem." Dying. I love Harry addressing the club with "Friends, neighbors, colleagues, and fellow memebers of my children's play groups." This is all just so damn hilarious.
Oh man, can I even tell you how excited I was once Harry demanded that Draco show up at the Southwark? 'Cause, a lot. that's how excited. And I actually wrote "Nom Nom Nom" on the page where we first see Draco's delectable pink knickers. This was then followed by me scratching ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH over the entirety of the page of coitus interruptus. No, really:

Thankfully, it all turned out so well.
I really liked how Harry "finally comprehended the necessity of rules and the even greater necessity that they remain unbroken" because of Draco. I think it's very indicative of the Heirophant card. In fact, after researching the card a bit more, I think this fic is perfect for it.
Once again, I love you.

Re: Oh, Crack. Nom Nom Nom.

Uhm, my html failed. And for some reason I cannot edit comments? Anyways, after the "No, really:" was meant to be this image:

Fantabulous sex - I don't recall another fic with such a vivid description of balls-pleasuring (still swooning). And pink knickers of course - one of my favourite kinks, so I was a very happy fangirl tonight.
Oh, and children dressing up as McGonagall is a stroke of genius..

Breaking All The Rules

Hello there, my dear :) So glad that you enjoyed this and even more glad that you picked out one of my favorite little details :D I'm pretty sure you're the only one who mentioned it.
Bows down before the queen of funny smut ..... or smutty fun or....!!!

Wow, this fic had EVERYTHING, good characterisation, beleiveable story (even though it's crack!!) loads of fun and smut and most importantly it's written intelligently and in ENGLISH!!!

I mean it's so English it made me homesick!!!!

THankyou dear writer, you made my today bearable, and if I giggle like a teenager during tonight's school AGM it's all your fault!!

Breaking All The Rules

I mean it's so English it made me homesick!!!!

That would be my intrepid Brit-picker, not me. Sadly, I'm about as apple-pie American as they come :D So glad you enjoyed this. I live for making my readers' days more bearable :) Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
You had me at "two-time winner of the Southwark condom balloon animal competition".

Boisterous and insanely charming. Thanks.

Breaking All The Rules

LOL!!!!! Yeah, that may be my very favorite little joke in the whole story. Glad you enjoyed it as much as I did :D
This fic is sheer and utter brilliance. I didn't know before that you could combine hotness of this grade with brilliant humour even and especially in the tiniest details.

I totally loved your fic!

Breaking All The Rules

Yay!! I'm so glad. Thank you for taking the time to tell me so :D

Breaking All The Rules

Hopefully, that's a good thing, whatever it is :D
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January 2010

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