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Breaking all the Rules - Team Epilogue

Title: Breaking all the Rules
Team: Epilogue
Author: frayach
Prompt: The Hierophant
Wordcount: 22,800
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Crack!fic, swinging, boys in pink knickers and kitty-ears, rimming, and a couple exceedingly brief het sex scenes
Summary: Malfoy is slowly wringing the last vestiges of pleasure from Harry’s life with all his rules and committees and agendas and reports. Or is he?

Breaking all the Rules

For a description of teams, please see our FAQ.

This poll is closed.

1. Is the author/artist true to their team? Yes/No vote ("yes" is worth 2 points, "no" is worth 0)

2. How well did the author/artist use their Prompt? 1 to 9 (1 being the least)

3. How much did you like this story/art overall? 1 to 9 (1 being the least)


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Where did the time go?! I only started this, oh, about 3 minutes ago I'm sure!

I am so made up to see a fic that makes light of all the potentially stifling depressiveness of the epilogue - and not only that, but that does it in such syle. This fic is f***ing hilarious. The number of times I snorted or laughed out loud are too numerous to count, and it's the little things like Hermione driving a Vauxhall Vivaro (which says so much to a Brit like me about what sort of mother and wife she is), and Harry being the only one out of his year at school who isn't losing his hair (nice way of normalising those two hideous words; 'receding hairline'). I am in love with the way all the main characters have such great senses of humour, even Malfoy, who likes to pretend to be cool and collected but I can see the cracks (should that be his crack...?) oh yes I can.

The oneupmanship that seems to be a battle only Malfoy knows is running makes for brilliant reading. Harry is just so oblivious - until the moment when that one thing just clicks in his head, and then he's all schoolboy Gryffindor again with his focus and determination. The swing between his irritation at Malfoy's punctiliousness and his most ardent admiration of Malfoy's delicious personal attributes is total comedy. The dialogue between them is addictive.

Can't not mention the sex, which is - oh my god - fantastic. You manage to write activities we all read on a regular basis with such an unrepentant dirtiness that it feels like I've never read about anyone being rimmed before. I feel mucky and sweaty all over - in the best possible way. :D Perhaps there's hope that Harry and Draco will become the Southwarks' replacement Woollsleys?

This fic is an absolute joy, and to read it during these sadly heterosexual post-epilogue days lifts my heart more than I can say.

I'm sure we're going to see some pink knicker artwork from a certain someone pretty soon, too.

Love it, love it, love it. (And yes, I did edit the comment so I could squee a bit more. :) )

Edited at 2008-04-13 01:20 pm (UTC)
Hee! I meant what I said in my author's notes on the version I posted to my journal - you were an absolutely indispensable element. Without you, I'm not at all sure this fic would have seen the light of day, let alone made its way on to paper. Thank you for all your inspiration and support and encouragement and lightening-fast editing. You know that I love you madly, but it certainly doesn't hurt to say it again.

*loves you*
FABULOUS!!! Totally fantastic. It was funny and hot and had fantastic dialogue and interesting characterizations and...oh...did I mention it was HOT?!?!?! There was SMUT! Thank all the deities for the smut. *bows to the smut gods* I've been missing smut, and here we have oodles of it. That was happy.

There were a lot of funny lines, but this passage in particular I found hilarious: "Honestly, Ron. Only Freudians and the authors of obscenely popular children's book series would suggest something so patently ridiculous." Funny.

Thanks! It was a truly enjoyable read.
You're very welcome. It was a truly enjoyable fic to write as well. I had a ton of fun with it :)
I laughed my way all through this one! It reads like the bastard child of 1970's John Updike and JKR, with its contrasting images of drab suburban daily life and the uninhibited spouse-swapping sex that goes on as scheduled at the club. This has to be the most canon portrayal of Harry and Ginny's marriage I've ever seen. Ginny was wild at Hogwarts; if she's ever going to settle in the suburbs, she'd be a suburban swinger like she is in your fic. And I can definitely see Draco as an uptight yet decidedly kinky lawyer. He's well aware of the maxim that you have to know the rules in order to break them, and I love how he illustrates that here.

This fic has ensured that I will never feel the same way about cheap pink nylon again. Especially when it's the only barrier between Harry's tongue and Draco's most delicate flesh. *melts*
Hey lawyer-lady! Look at me being all due diligence and replying to my HDWC comments (LOL, that was a joke, in case you'd hadn't noticed) :D :D
Oh. My.

Sweet pink knickers of every deity out there. I'm dead now. Dead.

I haven't laughed so hard for a H/D fic for ages... the paper pushing, agenda items and just the reactions and words that were spoken in the meetings at the beginning already had me chuckling like a mad woman and spilling coffee all over the place; then Southwark and the Umbridge candidacy ~ it f**king rocks. I was thinking yes yes yes yes yes that would be a PERFECT position for her and Harry's um, glorious accomplishment (condom balloons? CONDOM BALLOONS?), then the sex interrupted by needing to pick up the children ...*facepalms, shaking her head*

I'd love to quote the wonderful lines of the story, but then I would probably rewrite half of the words. The best one? The Thomas Hobbes exchange; the whole political discussion theme that went around (how did the Republic ever get involved?) was just so ... wrong and yet just so PERFECT.

Style wise, crisp and relaxed, with just a sprinkle of sombering tone thrown in beginning from the start of the sex scene and the confessions are suitably intense. Whoever can make the epilogue this fun filled deserve lots of points (and I love Ginny in this one!).

This weekend has been tough, but this has cheered me up immensely... so thank you so much, anonymous author, I will be giggling all afternoon, and lawyer talk will always gives me a vision of cheap 2-sickle knickers on a nice, firm arse. ;)

Hello, my dearest darling :)

I think it's so great that you knew this was my story from all the little tell-tale details. You pay attention to my stories to a degree that few people do. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that - and you.

**hugs** I'm so glad you enjoyed this. I certainly enjoyed writing it :D


*is anonymous because I'm on Team Epilogue*

OH. MY. GOD. With all of the darker Epilogue fics out there, this and Blind Leading the Blind are a nice breath of fresh air. It's brilliant and funny, and somehow still in character though called a crack!fic.

Hello fellow ass-kicker teammate :D

So glad you enjoyed the chuckle. It was nice to have fun with the Epilogue :)
*mouth drops open* I...I...

I am utterly speechless. I don't even know where to start...oh God, Merlin, and Anubis, this was probably the most perfect thing to come out of a fest ever.

Breaking All The Rules

*huge G* Thank you!! That's mighty praise, indeed. So glad you enjoyed it :D
YES! YAY!!!! *dances*!!!

um. sorry. I'm overexcited and a little crazy after reading. This was SO funny and absolutely cracklicious! Something refreshing from all the tears and heartbreaks hd_wc's fics been reducing me to lately ^^; AND THE HAWT sex. the PINK panties. May I just say you've officially made pink sexy? I could never think of pink and not be automatically reminded of peptobismol, but now it seems that pink = hawt sex. LOL. You totally killed me. And all the rules and regulations and committees Draco kept droning on about, waah, I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry for the people who had to endure that or laugh that Draco of all people, felt so serious about them. So I became a little hysterical (in a good way, mind) while reading XD

*deep breath* Oh god, you are liek made of awesome <3333

Breaking All The Rules

Hey there, fellow ass-kicker teammate :) So glad you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. It was great getting to know you and the others on the team. We worked pretty darn well together, don'tcha think?
I love so much that someone's submitted a proper crack epilogue fic. This is wonderful. And everyone is so well characterized and I love that Ginny and Harry love each other and are in love with each other but like to sort of have fun. I like how fun the whole swingers thing was..

Something missing in a lot of epilogue fic is the fun, because it's so serious for someone to cheat when he has three children.. And this was a great way to not get around it, but go through it. This is the perfect way to break the rules and let everyone come out happy.

I'd like to see more fic like this.

Breaking All The Rules

Well, I'm actually toying with writing a sequel :D So, keep an eye out for it.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this! Thanks for reading and commenting :)
So much fun, but I have to say Umbridge's hem hem just killed me. And Harry randomly coming up with the next week's theme, a little of everything for everyone. Pink is definitely the new black.

Breaking All The Rules

LOL!! It is indeed. And Draco wears it well, n'est pas?

Thanks, sweetie :D
Oh, God, or whatever other deity you wish to name, this was hilarious!

I howled out loud so many times, I lost count. I absolutely LOVE Draco in this. He's just so perfect! All the little references (to the various gods, and the committees and the rules) were great, and Harry always drooling, and everyone knowing he was obsessed with Malfoy, and Ginny being okay with it.

And: Only Freudians and the authors of obscenely popular children's book series would suggest something so patently ridiculous. *snorts*
Hee!!! Thank you, my dear. I'm so glad you enjoyed this funny smutty little tale. Btw, I wanted to tell you how much I appreciated that you took the time and effort to comment on other teams' submissions. It was very sportsman-like of you. I wished we had seen more cross-commenting and overall promotion of the fest :-/ But alas.

Breaking All The Rules

You're very welcome, sweetie :D So glad you enjoyed it. I had an absolute blast writing it. It's convinced me I should try humor more often.
OMG, the crack! I laughed through all of this. It's just so, so, like them in a totally cracked out way. *ggg*

Breaking All The Rules

:D :D :D

I can't tell you how much fun I had writing this. I was giggling like a fool half the time.

Thanks, hon. It was wonderful being on the same team and getting to know you :)
... God. This was so hot and so hilarious and so hilariously hot. I was squeaking throughout the entire kitty/pink knickers sex scene and grinning through all the rest and its crackiness. Harry was such a horny guy (fantasizing at the neighborhood meeting? oh, Harry), kinky without actually being kinky, and Draco was so upright and anal and easily offended and sexily slinky.

I really liked your enthusiastic embrace of the epilogue, if one could call it that - where infidelity isn't the problem, as such, given how any and all extramarital sex is allowed (if bounded). :) Of course, this only goes to emphasize the rules that Harry and Draco break that, ultimately, have nothing to do with the sex itself (as hot as it is).

*is a sap, clearly*

Also? Sugar plums. And:

♥ ♥ Utilitarian, unsexy pink knickers ♥ ♥

Oh God. *laughs*

Breaking All The Rules

Well, you know where the inspiration came from, my dear :D :D We should have more late-night cracky smutty LJ conversations when you get home.

*loves you*
How you made the boring, routine, run-of-the-mill life so funny and hot is amazing! You managed to navigate all the traps left by the epilogue and make it sing.


Breaking All The Rules

More than half the fun of writing this was juxtaposing the unbearably dry & boring with the equally unbearable (but for different reasons) UST. LOL :D The networks should hire me to do the sitcom :D
I don't know whether I should be pissed off the one the hottest sex scenes I've read ever was interrupted or be happy that there was even a half of it :)

Crack and I aren't friends, so of course I think there were too many things for the giggles in the first part, but by the middle, when I got used to it, it became an utterly absorbing reading. Very enjoyable, thank you!
Came back to comment again. It's like good sauerkraut schi -- sorry for the unglamorous comparison! I should have said something like "good wine" but I don't drink alcohol so I wouldn't know. Anyway, I mean that it only becomes better on the second day. I'm remembering it all day today and people in the office ask me why I'm smiling. Ha! Wouldn't they want to know! I know I'll be rereading it. Thank you again!
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January 2010

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